Dell tech support requires special handling

I got a e-mail out of the blue advising me on the availablility of certain herbal products - "D.OCTOR APPROVED PILL WILL ENLARG3 YOUR P@*is !"  I have no idea what my "P@*is" is, but this was too good of a deal to pass up.  When the crates arrived, this strange Dell tech support transcript was part of the packing material.  Here it is:

11:27:46 AM        System  You are now being connected to an agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat
11:27:46 AM        System  Connected with ALGb_Mary_195935
 

11:28:01 AM        JoeBobbert  Hello
11:28:20 AM        JoeBobbert  I don't think your chat interface works properly with IE8
 

11:28:21 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Thank you for contacting Dell. My name is Gracie, How may I help you today?
 

11:28:36 AM        JoeBobbert  Bad hard drive in laptop - needs replacement
 

11:28:51 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  I'll do my best to assist you. Just for verification, may I please have the service tag of your computer?
 

11:29:00 AM        JoeBobbert  XXXXXX 11:30:08 AM        JoeBobbert  You get that? 11:30:59 AM        JoeBobbert  I'm going to go get my iPod so I can play games while I am waiting for you to reply
 

11:31:01 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Thank you for that information. Let me just pull up your records for 1-2minutes.
 

11:32:36 AM        JoeBobbert  Are those records in another room? Locked up?
11:33:18 AM        JoeBobbert  I am the pusher robot
 

11:33:51 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  To make sure that I pulled up the correct records here, as I can see the system type is Vost 1510, is that the system were working on.
 

11:34:00 AM        JoeBobbert  Yes
 

11:34:21 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  May I know if your the end user or the I.T person of the system?
 

11:34:30 AM        JoeBobbert  Both and neither
 

11:34:31 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  I still haven't received any response from you.
I will be waiting for another minute and if I still don't receive any response from you, I will be ending this chat session.

11:34:38 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Sorry.
 

11:34:40 AM        JoeBobbert  You get that?
11:34:59 AM        JoeBobbert  How many people are you talking too? You must be popular!
 

11:35:01 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Yes I did. Sorry about that.
11:35:21 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  May I also get your full name, email address and contact number?
 

11:36:14 AM        JoeBobbert  JoeBobbert / (513) 607-**** / *****@cinci.rr.com
11:36:41 AM        JoeBobbert  You want to get together later and fire one up?
 

11:37:26 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Have you done any troubleshooting steps on the system?
 

11:38:15 AM        JoeBobbert  Yes - the computer will not turn on at all with the bad hard drive installed. I take it out and the system turns on. Put it back in and nothing. With a replacement hard drive it is fine.
 

11:38:41 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Thank you. Are you with the system right now?
 

11:38:49 AM        JoeBobbert  Yes
 

11:39:31 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Can we run a quick test on the system please. Just need to get the error code for log in purposes.
 

11:40:19 AM        JoeBobbert  The error code is: black screen and no lights
 

11:40:41 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Turn off the system and then press and hold the fn key and power button at the same time.
 

11:41:12 AM        JoeBobbert  So I am on the hormones for a while now but I am not having the surgery until I know which way I am going to swing; you know?

11:41:22 AM        JoeBobbert  Sorry - wrong chat window

11:41:36 AM        JoeBobbert  Ok, I tried that and nothing happened
 

11:41:51 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Thank you.
11:42:11 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Can you please verify to whom the system is registered to.
 

11:42:18 AM        JoeBobbert  JoeBobbert
 

11:42:31 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  And can I have the complete shipping address and zip code please.
 

11:42:50 AM        JoeBobbert  8726 *****  Rd
Cincinnati, OH 45***
11:43:54 AM        JoeBobbert  Do you know that Slumdog Millionaire kid?
 

11:45:41 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Yes, Ive watched the movie. Only seen that guy on that movie.
11:46:44 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  May I know if you still have the cd's that came with the system?
 

11:47:53 AM        JoeBobbert  Yes. Remember that the system will not turn on at all with the hard drive installed. Also it is clicking and buzzing. Or buzzing and clicking. Which is the proper way of saying that?
 

11:49:16 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  In any order you would like to say it. Just to make sure I understand you correct, you used a known good hard drive on the system and it worked, is that correct?
 

11:49:26 AM        JoeBobbert  Yes
 

11:49:51 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  and the system doesnt make any sounds with the known good hard drive?
 

11:50:04 AM        JoeBobbert  No, it is fine

11:52:01 AM        JoeBobbert  So, what country are you from? If you can't tell me that, just tell me if it starts with a letter of the alphabet.
 

11:53:36 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Im from Philippines.
 

11:54:51 AM        JoeBobbert  What color is the sky in your country? It is orange and green here. With streaks of red from where the sun sprung a leak.
 

11:56:11 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  It depends actually but right now its black because its 12am here =)
 

11:57:48 AM        JoeBobbert  What a coincidence! It was 12am here earlier today. It really is a small, misshapen world.
 

11:58:18 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Yeah =)
 

11:58:35 AM        JoeBobbert  So... can you mail me a new hard drive? I'll trade you for this clicky buzzy one.
 

11:59:06 AM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Sure that would be great =)
12:00:36 PM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Let me just inform you that you can expect the replacement hard drive with images within 1-2 business days. And then please use the same box to return to us the clicky buzzy one also please return it to us within 10 business days upon receiving the replacement.
 

12:01:11 PM        JoeBobbert  I'll have the drones in shipping see to it.
 

12:01:26 PM        ALGb_Mary_195935  JoeBobbert, let me give you your reference numbers for this issue. Case#: ******* Dispatch#: ******* . In case you need to contact us, you can also dial 1800 456-3355 ext 7238587. For additional information, visit our website at www.suppport.dell.com. You will also receive a transcript of our conversation via e-mail.

12:01:36 PM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Is there anything else I can help you with?
 

12:01:49 PM        JoeBobbert  You have a light?
 

12:02:46 PM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Yes =)
12:03:04 PM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Are you satisfied with the service that I provided you today?
 

12:03:06 PM        JoeBobbert  Ok, well I guess that is it then. I thank you for your service to me
 

12:03:16 PM        ALGb_Mary_195935  Thank you for choosing Dell. Again, this is Gracie. Have a wonderful day. Bye :-)
 

12:03:19 PM        JoeBobbert  Very Very satisfied
12:03:23 PM        JoeBobbert  Bye bye