Oh, you are part Indian? How quaint...

I was talking to my friend David Berkowitz the other day and I mentioned that I was part Swedish.  He tells me he was part German and Irish.  And he adds: Oh, a little bit of Indian too.

That got me thinking.  Every time that this comes up in conversation, I've got some person telling me that they are part Indian.

How is this possible?  Just exactly how much “Indian on Pioneer” sex was going on anyways?  Is that where the term “American Indian” came from?  Is that an American getting nailed by an Indian?

So, how did this work? 

I can see it going like this:

Pioneer:  I trade pretty glass beads and firewater for all this land – far as the eye can see

Chief:  That good deal – also fuk-em you squaws

Pioneer:  Well, that goes without saying

This stuff didn’t make it into the history books.  What did make it into the books was horribly misrepresented, like “the Little Big Horn”.  *That* sure is transparent.  I imagine that “The massacre at Wounded Knee” was some sort of Monica Lewinsky thing.

Anyways, I thought we “beat” the Indians – how is it that they’re nailing *our* chicks?  If anything, Indians should be going around telling everybody that they are 85% Cherokee and 15% Dutch-Irish or something.

There are people out there that say we stole America from the Indians – our collective family trees say otherwise.