Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Spider: Nature's Handmaiden or Tool of Satan?

I was having a vigorous debate with a local Wuss the other day.  Here is a excerpt:

Scott: I fucking hate spiders.  They should all die.

Wuss: Spiders aren’t so bad.

Scott: If I ever got godlike powers, they would all die.

Wuss: Spiders are beneficial, they eat other insects you know.

Scott: So we are keeping spiders around so they will eat the other insects?  Fuck them too.  I’ll buy an extra can of raid.

Wuss: You can’t get rid of the spiders, they are an important part of the ecosystem.

Scott: The fucking Earth will adjust.  The planet didn’t fucking implode when the last dodo died, did it?

Wuss: It would cause some sort of problem.  What would the birds eat?

Scott: They can eat each other for all I care.  Were the birds crying for me when they stopped making Dino Pebbles cereal?  I don’t fucking think so.  Ok, I can compromise.  I would just have a radius of 25 miles around me that any insect closer than 25 miles would instantly vaporize.

Wuss: Get serious.

Scott: I am serious; I’m talking 25 miles up and down too.  I don’t need bugs under my feet.  And fuck vaporizing them, I don’t want to be breathing bug fumes – they all get instantly teleported into the center of the sun.

I think I got my point across, don't you?  

Also, here is a poster that neatly sums all this up:

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